Many of my most important relationships have been with people who are emotionally expressive, beginning with my sister and only sibling.  For years, I thought I was part of this group of expressive types, and now see that interacting with her often triggered a heated emotional response. In fact, we fought like cats and dogs! As teenagers, I was a peace loving pacifist (positive outlook) and it drove her crazy—she would goad me until I’d fight back. Expressive types have been my best teachers.

“My sister and I have struggled with each other our whole lives. At times we have been close friends, at other, estranged sisters. Always, I love her.”

From my book, Emergence, a Path to Presence.

The Enneagram system of personality and development recognizes types that cope with stress in a similar way and has grouped them into what’s called the Harmonic Triads. These triads show three different ways people react to conflict, difficulty and loss. In my last article, we explored the positive outlook triad, the three types (2, 7, 9) who cope by putting a positive spin on themselves, others or the situation.

The expressive triad is the focus of this article and Enneagram types Four, Six and Eight belong to this category. They are also called truth tellers, not because they are more honest than others, but because they want to deal with issues head on rather than avoiding them:

• Fours seek meaningful connections and want to get to the bottom of things. 
• Sixes need to know what’s really going on to feel certain and secure. 
• Eights tell it like it is and expect others to be real with them.

There is something very refreshing about keeping it real. I have always appreciated knowing what’s going on with the expressive types in my life. No guessing is required. If I have a problem with them, they expect me to tell them, as they tell me. 

Expressive types have much to teach us:

Organizations would be more sustainable if they listened to the truth tellers before it’s too late to make necessary changes or repair damaged relationships.

Positive outlook types like me (2, 7, 9) can learn more direct communication and the value of seeing reality as it is, without having to put a positive spin on everything.

People who escape to logic in order to avoid uncomfortable emotions (1, 3, 5) can learn how acknowledge and be with anger, sadness, fear and to be more expressive.

 Expressive truth tellers (4, 6 and 8) can utilize the other two strategies to open to the fact that their truth is not the only truth, and not necessarily the same reality as others see, and see that other viewpoints are just as valid.

Understanding the Harmonic triads can help you recognize when you or someone around you is triggered and in the grips of one of these three coping strategies. Everyone reacts differently to uncertainty, disagreements, problems and stress and understanding the differences fosters compassion, kindness and goodwill.

When you are aware of what you are thinking, how you are feeling and acting as well as what’s happening around you, you are present with mind, body and heart. You no longer need to react unaware with one of these coping strategies. You  respond with what’s needed at the moment. 

This is the state of a conscious leader.