Remember the financial meltdown of 2008? I was having my own personal meltdown at the same time: closing a business, ending a career, a marriage and moving cities. Everything in my life turned upside down and all my identifying markers were lost.

Instead of jumping into the next thing as fast as I could, one of the best choices I’ve ever made is to give myself time to pause and withdraw so that I could be receptive to what life had to offer and listen within what was calling. As an assertive 7 Enneagram type, this is opposite of what my normal reaction would be.

Me in India visiting a holy site in Alandi

I did the pray part of the movie, Eat, Pray, Love, by residing for four months in an Indian ashram (place of study), which gave me what I needed to let go of what was lost and begin again fresh. Had I continued to push through to keep what I had, or forge something new, it would have been a chaotic road leading nowhere good for me. The time of withdrawal allowed me to surrender and be led purposefully to my next opportunities. It was a cherished time of coming home to myself.

For the full story, read my book, Emergence a Path to Presence: Discover Your True Inner Self for a More Fulfilled Life, and here’s a short quote:

“Through my inner travels, I arrived home, to who I really am. When I venture out and forget again, I know the well worn pathway back. The door is always open.”

Our culture glorifies the active, assertive energy of going for it and getting big results, and gives little credence to holding back or pausing for reflection. Yet without balance, asserting immediately causes knee jerk reactions, which can have unintended consequences. More thoughtful leaders often get accused of being indecisive when actually they are measured, able to weigh options, foresee problems and make better decisions.

One result of taking the time I needed was to decide to go into coaching which gave me an opportunity to take a deep dive into studying the Enneagram system of personality and development. The Enneagram continues to give me insight about myself and others and has helped me outgrow and change perceptions and habits that held me back.

There are three Enneagram types that lead with receptive energy: Four, Five and Nine. Their common names exemplify their nature: Four is often called the Individualist, Five has been named the Observer and Nine the Peacemaker.

• Fours see depth and beauty that others miss and are masters at holding people in their moments of grief and loss.
• Fives may appear to be in their own world, but they keenly observe people and surroundings and have the ability to understand and explain the highly complex in simple terms.
• Nines have the gift of seeing all sides of an issue and are able to communicate diplomatically to bring different perspectives into agreement.

Assertive types (3, 7, 8) can achieve better results, make closer connections and get in touch with deeper feelings by taking time to withdraw and reflect. Pausing before reacting, taking time to think through all sides of an issue, and researching or reading directions before jumping into a project can save relationships, mistakes and countless wasted hours going down the wrong rabbit hole.

Balancing or compliant types (1, 2, 6) need to take more time for themselves so they can discern what their own needs and desires are before moving towards others to help, to avoid feeling depleted or resentful.

In this fast-paced world, it is imperative to take the time you need to be receptive and tune into your own thoughts, feelings and sensations so you can access your own wisdom. This will help you be more resilient amidst major change. By turning inward before moving out into action, you will achieve greater results with less stress.

If you are in a major transition in your life, or just want to experience greater flow, reach out to see how coaching with me can help. I went to all the way to India so you don’t have to.